Oliver: Part 2- Big Thoughts

Sometimes my head and heart are so full that I am afraid as soon as I start typing all the words and feelings that are inside will just gush out into a big blob of goo. I blame my fear of goo on the lack of blog posts lately. There is just so much happening inside my head and heart these days. To think about having to specify or define or articulate it all has felt overwhelming. I sit to type something up and end with a blank screen and re-runs of Downton Abbey on the TV. Big thoughts are exhausting.

Big thoughts are also important. As I process our journey to Oliver, both the things that have already happened and the things that are happening soon, I have to think big thoughts or I fear I will miss the greatness of what God has done and is continuing to do.

We stood in church this morning with our people, singing our brains out about how God is enough and is bigger and is for us and never leaves us. As wee sang loud and clapped loud and cheered loud and prayed loud, I kept thinking about something a fellow adoptive mom said to me this week. She was encouraging me and reflecting on God's faithfulness to her own family and then said this:

Will continue our prayers---have a blessed trip----when you feel stressed, lean into Jesus & release ALL to Him. Remember, none of this would have been possible without Him (a Christian American family, adopting from a communist atheist nation...only God).

As my brothers and sisters and I participated in loud, corporate worship, in the middle of of our city, just off of Main Street, with the front doors open to let in the breeze, I was overwhelmed by the reality of the contrast between my home church and the Church in Ch*na. This Sunday in Ch*na, millions of believers worshiped together in secret, or individually. They have to pay attention to what is going on around them as they sing and pray and teach. They may or may not even have access to a Bible. Yes, some areas of Ch*na have more freedom then others but that freedom is nothing like what we experience on a weekly bases.

I am so excited to bring Oliver to church. I am so excited that this little boy will grow up in a family of believers that likes to sing their brains out and jump and dance and clap and shout and leave the doors open. I am so excited that Oliver will be taught about the gifts of the Spirit and be encouraged to walk in them and to earnestly seek them. I am so excited that he will have men and women around him who will pray for him and prophecy over him and teach him to hear the voice of God.

God chose Tim and I to parent Oliver and that responsibility is something we take very seriously. We've attended conferences, read books, watched DVDs, met with other adoptive parents and done everything in our human power to try to prepare for the next weeks of attachment forming and "cocooning" and becoming a family of 5. There are many times when the responsibility of parenting our three kiddos becomes very heavy and feels to big for our shoulders. I've felt the heaviness a lot these past few weeks. The closer we get to leaving for Ch*na, the more I see Sawyer and Jane begin to feel it as well. Regression, sassy-ness, defiance, all the favorite behaviors have reared their heads as Tim and I start packing our bags and putting in the new car seat. I knew it was coming. It is completely normal for older siblings to react to the uncertainty of what the addition of a baby will mean for them and for their family they are comfortable and familiar with. I know in my brain it is normal. But it leaves my heart heavy. The scary big thoughts threaten to take over and on goes Netflix.

But here is the other side of the conversation that the Lord keeps bringing me back to. He gave us Sawyer and Jane and He told us to go get Oliver and He never starts a good work only to leave it undone. He always finishes what He starts. He is all about completion. And He does good work.

The movie "The Drop Box" was released last week and I went two nights in a row. I thought I'd be a basket case as I watched the abandoned babies being brought into Dr. Lee's home and heard their adoption stories. Don't get me wrong, I loved those moments in the film, but the thing that wreaked me as I watched the movie, both times, was how willing Dr. Lee and his wife were to just give their lives away for these "unwanted" children. Dr Lee never sleeps. His health is deteriorating. They have no money. They have a severely handicapped adult son along with the 15 other children they care fore full time. Plus the hundreds of babies they work to save through the box they've built on the side of their church/house. This couple is spending their lives on behalf of abandoned children. They have died to themselves. They have taken up their crosses. They think the big thoughts and feel the big feelings and then do something with them. They don't have Netflix. They don't know who Lady Mary is.

They are happy. They are joyful. They have hope. They love and live like Jesus. It is costing them everything.

Suddenly the responsibility of parenting Oliver doesn't feel so heavy. Suddenly this opportunity to love and teach this sweet boy exciting and full of anticipation for what is to come. Suddenly instead of thinking the big thoughts and turning on the TV, I find myself dreaming and hoping and believing big things for my son. God chose us to be parents to Oliver not because we are "super Christians" or because we know what we're doing or because we are rolling in the dough or because anything. God chose us because, through our "yes" to his invitation to adopt, He gets glory. And His glory is good for us.

Our adoption journey has been very public. Partially due to our efforts, and majorly because of God's efforts (check out my post on the AOL wildness). We want to show the world the love of the Father through our journey to Oliver. We want God to be so glorified through our growing family. He is the one making this all happen. He is the one setting the stage for a Christian family from America to adopt from an atheist, communist country. It's His story and it's for His glory and our good. We will be posting pictures and stories as much as possible while we are traveling and once we are home. We'd love for you to share our story with your friends and family. Share our blog. Share our facebook page.  Share our Instagram: @standard_goods. We believe God is going to show up in big ways while we are in Ch*na these next few weeks and we believe we will continue to see Him show up in big ways in the weeks after we get home. Our desire is to share what He has done and is doing and to see Him glorified in our testimony.

Thank you for your prayers and texts and emails this last week. I'll write a post tomorrow with our upcoming schedule and more specifics on how to pray while we are traveling.

Oliver: Part 1

So I'm about a dozen blog posts behind. So much has happened in the last four weeks and rather then write a novel, I've decided to give the update in multiple parts. Warning: They will be wordy and too detailed but it is my hope that all the posts in this blog will serve as a sort of "baby book" for our son as we record this adventure.

Oliver: Part 1

Back in October I wrote a post about feeling "blah" and exhausted from waiting and not knowing what was coming next in our adoption adventure. After a year of paper chasing and appointments and working hard to fund-raise, the holiday's hit and there was nothing more for us to do but wait for our agency to match us with a child. It was crickets for a while and it was frustrating because I had zero control. I didn't want to whine too loudly though because in the adoption world, we really hadn't been waiting that long and, as far as we knew, we might have a lot longer to wait. So I wrote a whiney blog post and moved on. November came and went without a peep from our agency. My hopes of having a match by Christmas were quickly fading.

Somewhere in the first week of December I got a text from a woman at church who wanted to know more about adoption. She and her husband were in the early stages of the conversation and wanted to hear a bit more about our story. We planned to meet for dinner on Tuesday, December 9th. Tuesday morning came and I dropped Sawyer off at Kindergarten and Jane off at Preschool and headed for a hair appointment. I love getting my hair done but it has sort of been a marker for how long this journey has been for us (again, I know "long journey" is relative). My hair dresser was one of the first people to know we had started the process back in 2013 and since I only see her every 3-4 month or so (don't judge- getting my hair done is expensive, yo) its always an interesting conversation of filling her in on whats happened and whats next. The bummer with this appointment was nothing had really changed since the last time I had come in. We chatted about other things and as I got up to leave and grabbed my phone I noticed a missed call from our social worker. The adrenalin immediately kicked in and I was shaking while trying to pay my hairdresser. Our social worker had told us she wouldnt call unless it had something to do with a referral so I was anxious over the fact that I had missed her first call and even more anxious about hurrying to my car so I could call her back.

She picked up right away and immediately asked if I was driving. I think I said something like, "YES! NO! It doesnt matter, just tell me whats up???!!" She laughed and said, "I think I have an early Christmas present for your family!!" She proceeded to tell me about the file of a seven-month-old baby boy, in need of a family. She said he was missing his right hand and was noted as being in good health. I kept saying, "Seven months?? He is only seven months old??" She said she couldnt believe it either and that the Lord knew what we were hoping for in our hearts in regards to being a family for a baby. Our social worker said she would email us the file and include the photos at the end. There was a pretty short time limit for deciding "yes" or "no" on our part so she encouraged us to talk and pray right away. I was giddy on the phone the entire conversation and kept asking the Lord, "Is he ours? Is this our son? Please let this be our son!"

I called Tim as soon I hung up with the social worker and asked him to meet me at home as soon as possible. I picked the kids up from school and could barely hold it together. As soon as we were home, I threw some turkey and cheese on two plates and put a movie on and told the kids mom and dad would be talking for a while. Tim came home and without saying anything, we went straight to our room and opened the laptop. We read through the medical file and personal file and learned a lot about this baby's health, weight, daily schedule, and the institution he was currently living in. At the end of the documents were six of the sweetest pictures I had ever seen. Sitting on our knees, at the foot of our bed, we saw the face of our son, Oliver, for the first time. It was such a surreal moment. One we had waited for and heard about and dreamed of and now were living out. Tim said, "Let's go get him and bring him home." And that was it. He was ours and we were his.

We called our social worker and told her we wanted to pursue the adoption of this baby. She said, "I knew it. The whole China team knew it. They already pulled his file for you. As soon as they saw him, they knew."  Chills.

We went to dinner that night with some new friends and got to talk all about our adoption journey and this time, for the first time, the story ended with the face of our Oliver. Later that night we drafted our Letter of Intent and sent it off to our agency to be sent to China. We told the kids the following evening and could barely keep from announcing it to the world, but, per our agency, were strongly advised to keep the circle small until we received conformation via Letter of Acceptance which was guestimated to come within 50-60 days.

Miracle of miracles, our Letter of Acceptance arrived at our agency 8 days later. Totally unexpected. Totally not "standard wait time." Totally God.

We wont show Oliver's full face on social media until we receive travel approval (we are praying this comes mid Feb) but here is the teaser we posted on facebook.

Part 2 coming soon...Oh yes, there is more.

The Ugly and Honest Truth

So it has been a while since I've updated the ol' blog. Excuse #1 is that we've been swamped with Standard Goods. We had two big events in the same week and so every spare moment of the last month has been filled with cutting, oiling, sewing, and prepping leather pieces.

"Tastemakers" at the Rawhide Stadium

Makers Market at Embellish and Restore in Downtown Visalia, Oct. 14th

Excuse #2 is that I haven't really wanted to write anything...the ugly truth. As of today we've been waiting 59 days for a match. Back in August when we were getting ready to send our dossier to China, we had heard that the wait time for a match was 2-3 weeks from the date the paperwork was logged. In my head and my heart I was really sure we would have a match by the end of September and maybe even be able to travel sometime in December. Three weeks stretched to four and then five and then six and now we are starting our ninth week of waiting. I kinda hate it.

When I was 38 weeks pregnant with Sawyer I remember my doc telling me that my baby was "going to come any day now." I waited until almost a full 41 weeks to meet our firstborn. Those three weeks of waiting were torturous. The excitement paired with fear that came with each twinge or cramp or braxton hicks drove both Tim and I crazy. I feel like I'm right back at those three anxiety wrought weeks. Every time my phone rings my heart stops just a bit wondering if it's our social worker calling to tell us about our son or daughter. It is a crazy and weird emotional roller coaster that I know will eventually end on a high note but, until then, leaves me spinning.

I've even been "nesting." We completely rearranged the kids' rooms to accommodate for the soon-to-arrive brother or sister. I'm telling you, we are so ready to have a name and face and a gender and an age to miss and dream of and long for rather then just the title of "our China baby."

All this to say that every time I've thought to myself, "Hmmm, I should really update the blog today" the thought was closely followed by, "I don't want to write an update titled "No News Whatsoever." This train of thought resulted in almost five weeks of blog nothingness. So there it is. The ugly and honest truth about Tuesday in the Kanallakan's adoption journey. Prayers appreciated as we meander through this phase of waiting and hoping and dreading another day of no phone calls.

Our leather stuff is pretty cool though, eh? :)

Prayer Requests and Darling Magazine Feature

I kinda feel like I've been hit by two trucks. One truck was made out of feathers and marshmallows and the second truck was carrying cattle or something. Seriously, as the work load continues to increase with Standard Goods and our adoption paperwork, God's blessings continue to increase as well. Both hit hard, one is just way more fun to collide with than the other. All that being said, we could use prayer!  

How to Pray: 

• We are SO close to being done with our home study. We are just waiting on getting a few papers back from our doctors and then need to finish our personal applications. I was actually about 80% done with the 22 page personal app when my computer lost it's mind and lost my work. So there went about 10 hours of thinking and typing down the toilet. Fun. Pray that we would continue to maintain a good pace with our paperwork and that no more time would be wasted due to technology. Pray that the paperwork being filled out by our doctors would be done correctly and quickly so we can get our home study approved and begin to apply for grants. 
• Our sewing machine is still not working at 100% so Tim is having to drive to the "on loan" machine to sew our leather pieces at night. Such a bummer and hassle and waste of time he could be spending home. Pray that we would figure out what is going on with our machine and have the time to fix it.
• Pray that we would gain wisdom and discernment for managing this new small business God has given us in Standard Goods. As the business grows and the orders pile up, we need to know how to best allocate our time and our resources to maintain a steady flow of sales but also to keep from burning out.
• Pray for our baby in China. Pray that they are safe and being loved well while we work and fight hard to bring them home. 

A HUGE Praise:

Tim and I are being featured this week at Darling Magazine as their "Embodied: Courageous" story! I LOVE Darling Magazine and am still in a bit of shock that they are sharing our adventure with their readers. It is a bit dream like, for sure. These interviews and blog spots and shop features are such great exposure for not only our story but in raising awareness of the need for adoptive families. Opportunities like the Darling interview are always such a gift to our family and, we hope, help to encourage others to consider what God might be calling them into in regards to loving the fatherless. 

Be sure to check out the interview and leave a comment on the story!

A Full Heart.

This morning I received a call from the Branch Director of our adoption agency. She was just checking in and wanting to encourage us in these early stages of our home study. She recalled how excited she was to move our names from the "Potential Family" white board to the "In Process" white board. She then told me about a recent file for a young child in China with limb difference and how each time she comes across a new file like that, she thinks of our family. She encouraged us to keep working hard on our fundraising so that we are able to accept a referral as soon as our dossier is submitted in August (we will need to write a $13,000 check to send in along with our acceptance). As I began to crunch the numbers in my head, I felt fear slowly start to creep it's slimy fingers into my heart. 

After the phone call I ran across town to pick Sawyer up from preschool. As we were walking to the car he was recalling his morning in chapel and said, "Mom, God's love casts out all fear." With that declaration of truth from my five-year-old I began to feel the grip of fear loosen. I was so thankful for the sweet reminder that because of God's love, I have NOTHING to fear. 

Not two minutes after we walked into the door of our house, I received a message from a family friend we've not seen in quite a while. They felt God calling them to donate to our adoption adventure and wanted our address. 

Fear = Gone. Heart = Full. 

Abba Father is going to get us to China. 

Happy Chinese New Year!

I'll be honest. This was the first Chinese New Year I actually paid a bit of attention to the fact that it was Chinese New Year. Man, I am excited to be adding this holiday to our family calender! Great food, fun colorful decorations, gifts, and family reunions are just a fraction of the good times had by all during what is also known as, "The First Day of the Great Year." It's crazy to think that next year we could be celebrating as a family of five!!!

Here are some fun facts I found when researching CNY:

Interesting Chinese New Year Facts:
Traditionally Chinese New Year lasted from the last day of the Chinese calendar to the 15th day of the first month.
It is a major Chinese holiday. In countries and territories that have high populations of Chinese, Chinese New Year is also celebrated. Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, Indonesia and the Philippines are only a few.
Chinatowns in other cities also celebrate Chinese New Year.
The exact date of Chinese New Year changes each year because it originated in 2600 B.C. At that time people followed the lunar calendar.
The Chinese New Year is symbolic of letting go of the past and welcoming new beginnings. It's a popular time for spring cleaning.
Each year of the Chinese New Year calendar is named after an animal. This is a 12 year cycle. Once the 12 year cycle is over the animal list begins again. The list in order is: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, ram, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig.
As the longest festival in the Chinese calendar, Chinese New Year can last as many as 15 days. Children take an entire month off of school.
It's common for Chinese families to have a reunion dinner the night before Chinese New Year festivities begin.
The decorations used on doors and windows are red colored paper-cuts (made similar to the way we make snowflakes). The themes of these paper-cuts are of happiness, good fortune, longevity and wealth.
Firecrackers are popular during the Chinese New Year. They are thought to scare off evil spirits.
Children receive red envelopes full of money instead of wrapped gifts that other nationalities give at Christmas. The amount they receive is usually an even number. The amount cannot be divisible by four. In Chinese, the number 4 means death.
Dragon dances and street fairs are very popular. Dancers dress up as lions and dragons and perform for onlookers.
One of the traditional treats is a candied crab-apple on a stick.
Since the 1980s China Central TV broadcasts the celebration. This is an evening-long variety style show and it is watched by the entire country.
On the last day of Chinese New Year, everyone carries beautiful paper lanterns and walks along the streets. This is supposed to light the way for the New Year. This day is called Lantern Day.
In Singapore and Malaysia, Lantern Day is their form of Valentine's Day.
On Chinese New Year everyone is a year older. It doesn't matter when you were born; this is like a national birthday.
from: www.softschools.com

Darn Potential

Good ol' Webster defines the word "potential" as "a chance or possibility that something will happen or exist in the future." Now that we've crossed over into 2014, I can't seem to get this word out of my head. These next 12 months carry SO MUCH potential I can't begin to wrap my head around it all. Some of the potentials of this new year are (hopefully) more probabilities then possibilities: beginning and completing our home study, continuing to fund raise, submitting our dossier to China. These "probable potentials" (see what I did there) are not as hard for me to think about because they are things that I have some level of control over. We have already begun the pre-pre process of our home study and paperwork, we are currently fund raising with our Standard Goods shop, and we are in communication with our agency regarding our timeline to submit our dossier. It's those darn potentials, the true possibilities and chances, that make my brain fuzzy. Possibilities like submitting our dossier in August and receiving a match shortly after being logged in. A match would be a photo and a name and some medical history. A match would mean I would know my son or daughter on some level. Possibilities like submitting our dossier, receiving a match, accepting the match, and booking a flight to China. All in 2014. The potential is killing me. In a good way. 

Now, I am well aware that the adoption timeline is rarely as short as parents hope it will be. It is very likely that our flight to China will not happen till early 2015. But, then, there is that darn potential...

God has been so faithful to us this past month. He continues to provide the finances we need to bring our child home. The story He is writing of this child's journey to our family is a good one. So far it includes random checks in the mail, a steady flow of Standard Goods orders, and a divinely orchestrated dinner with another adoptive couple who blessed us beyond words with their council and gifts. 

I think it was John Piper who said something along the lines of, "Prepare yourself to experience miracles when walking the road of adoption." Not that its all rosy and pretty and supernatural. It is frustrating and confusing and expensive and full of hard conversations. But God is so faithful to provide the kick in the pants we need to keep going forward when we feel like slowing down. Knowing what waits for us at the end of this journey makes it so very worthwhile. As I type this post, it is after 10 pm on Friday night and Tim has been at his office since 7 pm, sewing Standard Goods pieces for current orders and the ones we believe God will continue to bring. Not my ideal Friday night. Certainly not Tim's. But, man, when we think about what each of those leather goods mean for our family and for our child in China, we don't mind at all. Potential is a great motivator. 

33 Coats

Since Sawyer's 2nd Christmas I have tried to do some version of an Advent calender. The problem has been that every year I don't think about it until about mid Dec. By the time I've made the cute, pinterest inspired calender its usually around Dec.18th. Basically my previous Advent calenders have functioned only as a Christmas decoration that makes it appear as though I am skilled at planning ahead.

Not this year.

This year our Advent calender is not super cute. Its not hanging on a wall for all to see and admire. But, man oh man, it packs a punch and, though we have missed a few nights (and made them up later), we started Dec. 1st and will continue through Dec. 31st.

Advent for Orphans from Lifesong

Lifesong of Orphans is a rad organization that serves the fatherless well. They provide financial assistance for adopting families through matching grants, zero interest loans, and scholarships. They help churches establish and manage adoption funds. They are working hard in tons of countries to serve orphans and create programs for orphan prevention. AND they make these awesome "Advent for Orphans" calenders every year!

Each night (almost), Tim and the kids and I gather on our couch and open another box on our calender. On the inside of the flap are two scriptures: one that refers to the Christmas story and another that has to do with compassion/orphan care/serving others, etc. Then, in the little window thing are specific directions that involve counting and money. One night the directions read: "Give $.30 for every carpeted room in your house." Another night we gave $0.07 for every kitchen drawers and cabinet. We have a jar set out in our living room and the kiddos have loved counting out the coins and hearing them "plunk" into the jar. My favorite thing about "Advent for Orphans" is that the money we are putting into our jar will go directly to our church's adoption fund and help bring children into forever families.

The scriptures, paired with the directions, have made for some sweet conversations. As I have sat on our couch with my kids, talking about the reality that most of the kids in the world dont have carpeted bedrooms or 26 drawers and cabinets in their kitchens, a new level of compassion is growing in their hearts for children around the world.

December 5th's challenge was to give $0.20 for every coat in our house. I seriously thought we'd be putting maybe $2 in the jar. 2-3 coats per family member, right? As I walked around the house with Sawyer and Jane, opening closets and counting jackets, I was shocked. We counted 33 coats. THIRTY THREE. Snow coats, windbreakers, pea-coats, jean jackets, and so on. As the kids dropped $6.60 into the jar, I found myself feeling super embarrassed. Counting carpeted rooms and kitchen drawers made me feel thankful for what I have. Counting 33 coats made me feel like an excessive, materialistic, apathetic first world poster child. It's not like we live in Minnesota, folks! We are in Central CA, where the winters last maybe 3 months and the day time temp rarely drops below 40 degrees.

Needless to say, it was a wake up call. I like to think we aren't excessive and materialistic but this Advent for Orphans calender is making me redefine those terms and realize how relative they really are. A few Sundays ago, our Pastor preached an amazing sermon on money and storing up treasures in heaven. He talked about how making over $42,000 a year puts us in the bracket of the wealthiest 1% in the world. Shoot. I would never describe us as "wealthy" and yet, it is becoming very clear to me, this holiday season, that I need to get a new definition for that word.

A few days ago I was at Target and found myself drooling over the most adorable wool coat for Janie. It was on sale. It was her size. And she "needed" a cuter coat for church, right? As I began to really listen to myself, I immediately put the coat back on the rack and walked out of the clothes section. I truly believe that if I had seen that coat before Dec. 5th's challenge, I would have bought it without thinking twice. In fact, I would have been proud of myself for being so frugal and buying it at such a great price, meanwhile, having to idea that I had just put our coat count up to 34.

I love Christmas. I like shopping. I like buying things. I really like buying things on sale. But my prayer for our family this Christmas is that we would re-define words like "need," and "wealthy" to ensure that we are making wise purchases and teaching our kids about the reality of how much we have and, at the same time, how little others have. God loves to give good gifts to those in need. I want to model this type of giving for my kids and teach them to store up their treasures in heaven rather then on earth. I'm not totally sure how to do that effectively, especially since I struggle with it so much myself. I tend to over complicate things so I am super thankful for verses like this one which spell it out so simply:

Luke 12:33-34

“Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can’t go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

The Orphan's Cry

I blog-stalk some amazing families who are also on an adoption adventure. It has been so encouraging/helpful/educating to read about their journey through paperwork, fundraising, travel prep, etc. The amazing momma from http://hisgranddesign.blogspot.com left TODAY to get get her son and daughter in China. As I was reading her most recent post on their travel details, I came across an older post and had to share. Adoption is beautifully and so, so, hard.

"The Orphan's Cry"
Yes our kids are no longer Orphans! Praise Jesus! But there are always reminders that stop you in your tracks, you find yourself having moments where you flash back to life before "YOU" before they were in our arms, they were somewhere else. They were in an institution- even the nicest of orphanages (like Regis's) they were without a momma and a daddy, they were missing that very relationship we all are designed by our heavenly father to flourish under.  My boy lived almost 4 years without that relationship.  

We as adoptive parents enter that journey of redemption with them, we take on their pain, we take on their grief... 

we sit with them when they are crying and grieving  

we watch them "glaze over" or "shut down" when there maybe too many people around, or they have too much stimulation.  

We take them off the playground because some other child has startled them so badly its reminded them of being in the orphanage and they can't stop crying 

We sit with them during night terrors, not allowed to touch because that will set them off even more. 

We sit through pediatric, dentist, ENT, cardiac, orthopedic, and so many other specialist doctor appointments while our child flails and cries and yells because their only experience with doctors has been rough and hurtful, and without compassion.. 

WE are filling out form after form that serves as a constant reminder our child was once an orphan because we don't have the answers for "family medical history" 

we get to hear "they are so lucky to be in your family" when when we know nothing about their past wast was lucky... 

We find we can't put "footed pajama's" on our child because our she was restrained at some point in the orphanage and this triggers terror  

We get asked question after question about their "real parents" 

we get asked whats wrong with our kids feet, or eyes, hands, or head 

We hear them yell "don't leave me mommy" when we leave to run an errand,  knowing they remember being left by their birth mom 

we get stares and second glances and questions about how much our kids "cost" 

we have to go to their rooms to see if they have woken up in the morning because they have learned not to cry upon waking, because no one comes 

we find food under their pillows, stashed away in their rooms because the fear of running out of food is still so fresh in their little minds 

we sit with them when they cry that cry that takes our breath away 

we love them through the screams and tantrums and screams of "your not my mommy" 

we see them regress and shutter at the sound at someone speaking mandarin or their native language to them. 

we rub our hands on the back of their sweet heads, so flat from being left in crib for hours on end - a reminder for life that they were left alone, left too long.... 

but WE also 

Get to see them blow bubbles for the fist time 

Get to see them slide down a slide and play on a play ground for the first time 

we get to see them try a new food for the first time 

we get to see them slowly gain trust in us 

we get to hear our deaf child say " I love you" after of weeks of hard work and determination to communicate. 

we get to see them try cotton candy for the fist time and see the cutest sticky faced grin! 

we get to see their hair start to grow, their little ribs not to show so much, and they finally get to be "On" the growth chart at the doctors 

we get to see them gain the strength to sit up at  24 months of age, to stand, and to begin to walk. 

we get to tell our "story" to complete strangers and see them smile 

we get to see their lips "pink up" for the first time in months after their heart surgery 

we get to see them "light up "  around their new brothers and sisters, establishing relationships that will last a lifetime!  

we get to experience all their "first" through their eyes 

we get to see JOY 

WE get to feel it 

WE get a glimpse, a taste of the Joy our heavenly father experiences in US, when we join HIS family 

and you know what? These ALL outweigh the "hards" and the "tantrums" and the "cries"

Our children who come to us through adoption have a lifetime of hurdles, they are not all of a sudden "ok" when we bring them home. They are resilient yes, they are miracles. As adoptive parents we have chosen to walk the path with them, sometimes it will be easy, sometimes we don't or won't know what to do. So we pray for the Fathers help, and we pray for the day when they take the step and ask the Savior to come into their sweet hearts and they finally experience the real "redemption" and healing only Jesus can provide.

Guest blog post at What To Expect When You're Expecting!

So remember a few hours ago when I wrote about how God just keeps "overwhelming" us with His provision in our adoption? Well, just to drive the point home, here is a recent update:

A few weeks ago I was invited to write an article for the website www.whattoexpect.com. They have a super great section called "Word of Mom" which features articles written by all kinds of moms in all kinds of life situations. I was THRILLED by the invitation and even more excited that the article topic was left pretty much up to me, as long as it involved an aspect of parenting. After a few weeks of throwing a couple ideas around I finally finished my article and today it went LIVE on the website!

Click on the link to read the post!!
http://www.whattoexpect.com/wom/toddler/looking-at-adoption-through-the-eyes-of-my-4-year-old.aspx#

This is a HUGE opportunity for us to share our story and, hopefully, get that much closer to bringing our child home from China. 

Please COMMENT on the article and SHARE IT on Facebook and Pinterest!

If you are visiting from "What to Expect," Welcome! I'd love to invite you to join our blog and follow our adoption journey!

Stay with it.

I am so thankful that for these next few months all we have to focus on is fundraising. We are praying that we can raise around $5000 to $6000 by January so we can hit the ground running when its time for our home study in February. Wondering why we have to wait till Feb? Check out this post for the details. I am thrilled to report that as of this weekend, we have raised about $1200 towards that goal!!

Even though we have only scratched the surface of all this adoption adventure entails, I have already begun to feel overwhelmed. It's not all "stress" overwhelmed. Much of my "overwhelmedness" is due to the amazing ways God continues to show up and confirm His call on our family to adopt. Yesterday I sat down and began to write a list of the people who have donated money, dropped of items for yard sales, babysat so I could work on fundraising details, etc. My list already has over two dozen names! And we are only a month in!! 

Yesterday Pastor Travis preached on living a "risky" life. So so so good. One of the passages he taught from was Hebrews 10:32-39. The last verse brought such encouragement to my heart: 

"But we’re not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We’ll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way."

What was even more encouraging was when I came home and looked up the scripture and realized it was just two verses down from the passage that has become my "theme" for this adoption! I even blogged about the verses a few weeks ago! 

So if you have a seemingly impossible task staring you in the face: financial challenges, kids starting puberty, hand-made Halloween costumes, etc., write Hebrews 10:39 on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror. What great words to speak over your life as you are getting ready in the morning!

Stay with it!

Remember the Great Reward

Hebrews 10:35-36

35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

I really, really love this verse. The Lord has continued to bring me back to this passage in Hebrews these last few weeks as we have been making a game plan for the next 6 months of fundraising. "Patient endurance" will definitely be key. But, oh, the great reward that comes with "confident trust!" 

This past week was filled with God showing up again and again. I launched an etsy shop in order to beef up the adoption fund and within 20 minutes of launching the shop, had my first sale! A second sale came the next day and I am hopeful that Shop937 will be a successful means of fundraising. 

On Friday I received an notice from paypal that someone we don't know donated $100 towards our adoption fund. They read our blog and wanted to participate in helping to bring our son or daughter home. We received another $50 check in the mail yesterday. 

God is so good and we are thankful.

Down with personal pronouns.

For those of you who don't know us well, we don't exactly have thousands upon thousands of dollars in a bank account somewhere to be used to pay for this adoption.  To better illustrate my point, last month we had a yard sale in order to raise the $300 we needed for our agency's adoption application.

Not gonna lie, there are moments when I think about the cost of international adoption paired with our financial limitations and I wonder what the heck we are thinking. Is it "financially responsible" for us to take this on? How PC is it for us to be asking other people, many we don't even know, to give us money?

We call it "fundraising" because it makes it sound less intrusive but the reality of it is that we will be asking pretty much anyone we come in contact with to consider helping us pay for things like postage, notary fees, mileage for our social worker, plane tickets, etc. If I let myself analyze this reality for too long I start to get anxious and uncomfortable. I start thinking that the "responsible" thing for us to do would be to wait until we have saved up enough money and we can pay for this adoption ourselves.

-Pause-

Note how many times a pronoun was used in the previous two sentences.

Eight times.

This train of thought only leads down the road of "me." Like somehow this adoption was all my own great idea and that Tim and I can and should do all of it purely on our own strength and good will and killer budgeting skills.

WHAT A LIE!!

Tim and I didn't decide to adopt. God called our family to adoption. We haven't agreed to take on this massive, life altering adventure because we just happen to have $20,000 in the bank and don't know what to do with it. We are moving forward because we believe we have a child who is currently living in China and we are on a mission to bring him/her home.

We know that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that all we have comes from Him. He is going to provide the money for our adoption. Every. Single. Penny. Don't get me wrong, we are going to work our butts off to raise over $20,000 dollars, but we are very clear about the fact that every dollar bill a stranger gives us to pay for something at a yard sale is God's money that He is entrusting to us to bring our child home.

I find all of this so very exciting!

I have no doubt that one of the many reasons God has called our family to adopt, in this specific season of life, is that this adoption will be a testimony to the faithfulness of our God who is a father to the fatherless. I can't wait to blog about the ways God is going to blow our minds through crazy successful yard sales or anonymous gifts in the mail or strangers volunteering to help or God speaking encouragement over this adoption process through friends and family. There are good things ahead. Stay tuned...

Holy smokes we're actually doing this...

So, as you might have figured from our blog subtitle, we are officially in the process of adopting child number three! It has been a looooonnnngggg road to this point and we have a much longer road ahead of us. The purpose of this blog is to keep our friends and family in the loop with the goings-on of our adventure. As this is our first adoption, we feel like we are kinda making it up as we go, though we have found some amazing resources and will definitely share them over the next few months. 

Sometime soon I will blog about the "how we got here" story but for now I wanted to write a "where are we today" post in effort to stay current...

As of today we are working towards adopting a child with limb difference (missing a leg, arm, foot, hand, etc). When we had originally begun looking at countries, we settled on the Philippines and began looking at agencies working in East Asia. The more we learned about the Philippines, the more excited we became. The culture, the government's approach to adoption, the cost...we were in. The only road block we kept coming across was that not many children with limb differences were being adopted out of the Philippines. I began to call some larger agencies working in East Asia and asking them about Waiting Children (that is the official term for adoptable kids with special needs) with limb difference. No one had good news. Everyone told us to go to China. 

Now, we never crossed China out, but China has a few more rules and stipulations than most countries, one of which being that both adoptive parents must be at least 30 at the time a dossier (all the paperwork required to request an international adoption) is submitted. China is also a bit more expensive than the Philippines and since this adoption will be primarily paid for via fundraising, we were hoping for a total cost of less than $20,000. Lastly, we are ready to move on this adoption. Having to wait an entire year before I turn 30 and can apply to China felt like forever. The road to international adoption is tedious enough. 

All of this to say, last week China was not high on our list. 

While talking with a social worker about what country she felt fit our profile best she said, "If you want to go where the need is greatest, go to China." She then proceeded to tell me about the many children with Amnionic Band Syndrome and limb differences who are regularly added to the Waiting Child list. She also explained that with the Waiting Child grant offered by her agency, our total cost would be between $22,000-24,000.

So we began to ask whether our son/daughter might be in China. And today, we think our son/daughter is in China. I am hoping that as we get a bit further down the road, we will KNOW our son/daughter is in China...though I know once we reach that point in the journey, it will become monumentally harder to wait to bring him/her home.

We will be working with Holt International and they have put together a plan and timeline to keep us moving forward as quickly as possible. We will submit our initial application to Holt on my birthday, August 19th. We will then take the next six months to begin saving and raising money to cover the cost of the homestudy and stateside legal fees. On February 19th, my half-birthday, we will officially begin our homestudy. This process should take 4-6 months, getting us as close as possible to my 30th birthday. On August 19th of next year, we will (Lord willing) submit our dossier to China. The social worker I have been speaking with said that because we are willing to take a special needs child, our wait for a match could be as quickly as 1-2 months. Once a referral is made and we accept, there is about a three month wait till we can begin making travel plans. Best case scenario, we will be flying to China to pick up our child in about 18 months. I am very aware of the fact that international adoptions rarely go according to plan but we will be praying for things to stick as close to the ideal timeline as possible. 

So that is all of it in a nutshell. There is so much more to the story and I will use this blog to fill in the holes as the weeks go on. God has already taught us so much and I am thankful to have a means to record what He is doing in our lives. I love to think that someday our third child will be able to read over these posts and clearly see the hand of God orchestrating his/her arrival to our family!

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:6