"The Orphan's Cry"
Yes our kids are no longer Orphans! Praise Jesus! But there are always reminders that stop you in your tracks, you find yourself having moments where you flash back to life before "YOU" before they were in our arms, they were somewhere else. They were in an institution- even the nicest of orphanages (like Regis's) they were without a momma and a daddy, they were missing that very relationship we all are designed by our heavenly father to flourish under. My boy lived almost 4 years without that relationship.
We as adoptive parents enter that journey of redemption with them, we take on their pain, we take on their grief...
we sit with them when they are crying and grieving
we watch them "glaze over" or "shut down" when there maybe too many people around, or they have too much stimulation.
We take them off the playground because some other child has startled them so badly its reminded them of being in the orphanage and they can't stop crying
We sit with them during night terrors, not allowed to touch because that will set them off even more.
We sit through pediatric, dentist, ENT, cardiac, orthopedic, and so many other specialist doctor appointments while our child flails and cries and yells because their only experience with doctors has been rough and hurtful, and without compassion..
WE are filling out form after form that serves as a constant reminder our child was once an orphan because we don't have the answers for "family medical history"
we get to hear "they are so lucky to be in your family" when when we know nothing about their past wast was lucky...
We find we can't put "footed pajama's" on our child because our she was restrained at some point in the orphanage and this triggers terror
We get asked question after question about their "real parents"
we get asked whats wrong with our kids feet, or eyes, hands, or head
We hear them yell "don't leave me mommy" when we leave to run an errand, knowing they remember being left by their birth mom
we get stares and second glances and questions about how much our kids "cost"
we have to go to their rooms to see if they have woken up in the morning because they have learned not to cry upon waking, because no one comes
we find food under their pillows, stashed away in their rooms because the fear of running out of food is still so fresh in their little minds
we sit with them when they cry that cry that takes our breath away
we love them through the screams and tantrums and screams of "your not my mommy"
we see them regress and shutter at the sound at someone speaking mandarin or their native language to them.
we rub our hands on the back of their sweet heads, so flat from being left in crib for hours on end - a reminder for life that they were left alone, left too long....
but WE also
Get to see them blow bubbles for the fist time
Get to see them slide down a slide and play on a play ground for the first time
we get to see them try a new food for the first time
we get to see them slowly gain trust in us
we get to hear our deaf child say " I love you" after of weeks of hard work and determination to communicate.
we get to see them try cotton candy for the fist time and see the cutest sticky faced grin!
we get to see their hair start to grow, their little ribs not to show so much, and they finally get to be "On" the growth chart at the doctors
we get to see them gain the strength to sit up at 24 months of age, to stand, and to begin to walk.
we get to tell our "story" to complete strangers and see them smile
we get to see their lips "pink up" for the first time in months after their heart surgery
we get to see them "light up " around their new brothers and sisters, establishing relationships that will last a lifetime!
we get to experience all their "first" through their eyes
we get to see JOY
WE get to feel it
WE get a glimpse, a taste of the Joy our heavenly father experiences in US, when we join HIS family
and you know what? These ALL outweigh the "hards" and the "tantrums" and the "cries"
Our children who come to us through adoption have a lifetime of hurdles, they are not all of a sudden "ok" when we bring them home. They are resilient yes, they are miracles. As adoptive parents we have chosen to walk the path with them, sometimes it will be easy, sometimes we don't or won't know what to do. So we pray for the Fathers help, and we pray for the day when they take the step and ask the Savior to come into their sweet hearts and they finally experience the real "redemption" and healing only Jesus can provide.